Alcohol dulls the brain. That’s why I have to drink. Otherwise I’d be overcome by my own brilliance.

jk, as they say, or lmao

I dreamed last night I was running for the City Council. It was election night and it seemed pretty sure I would win. OUCH. I didn’t want to win.

A couple of nights ago I dreamed I was writing a book. Someone asked me about it. I said I didn’t care if it was good as long as it made money.

Now that’s a more realistic dream.