Thumper: “Thelma! Thelma! I’m sliding backwards.”
Landlady: “no, you’re not.”
five minutes later …
Thumper: “Thelma! Thelma! I’m sliding backwards.”
Me: “I’ll open the door so you can slide on out.”
(He pretends not to hear me.)

The Old Lady had an invisible helper called Alfonso. “Alfonso, may I have a glass of cold water, baby, I’m thirsty.” Thumper usually doesn’t say what he wants, just calls “Thelma! Thelma!” day and night.

Happily, he is leaving on Thursday. His daughter thinks he isn’t being properly cared for. One of her complaints is that he isn’t given chocolate every day, but I never noticed her bringing a box of chocolates on her weekly visits.

Good riddance, for sure. But he did strengthen my hope that I die before I get that far gone.